OK, so now what?

I've noticed over the past few months that I'm angry. Angrier than I've been in a very long time. And not the kind of anger that is useful in say changing the world or something epic like that. I'm angry that I don't seem to know where to go next. My entire life was planned up until I got my first "real" job. And since I did that (three long years ago), I've been treading water. The plan was: graduate high school (check), pick a college and career (check), get internship experience (check), graduate college (check), get a job (check), get an apartment (check)... then what? I feel the overwhelming pressure of upward mobility. Keep achieving, keep working, keep rising above your station. But somewhere along the way, I've either lost my momentum or ambition and now I'm just stuck and confused. Do I want to stay in this field? I don't know. Do I want to get a master's? Yes, but in what? And at what cost? Am I content to just bury my head in the sand and stay where I am? No, but how, how, how do I get out? This is my quarter-life crisis.

This article from ABC News (though it's a little dated) offers a picture of the very real time in modern 20-somethings lives. According to the article, there are significant declines in "adulthood benchmarks," as compared to our parents. For example the article offers these statistics:

"In 2000, 46 percent of women and 31 percent of men had reached those markers by age 30. In 1960, 77 percent of women and 65 percent of men had reached those same markers by age 30. Among 25-year-old women, 70 percent in 1960 had attained traditional adult status, as defined by reaching those benchmarks, whereas in 2000 only 25 percent had done so."

The article also mentions that ours is the first generation that will not do better than their parents, due to the fact that bachelor's degrees are so common and professional degrees are becoming increasingly expected in order to climb the career ladder. But yet at the same time, we are expected to continually achieve. The bar was set high for us by our parents. So, we're left to try and figure it out with the scourges of debt, uncertainty and instability to deal with.

There has some backlash against the idea of a quarter-life crisis. A piece from The Faster Times offers an opposition to a recent article by The Washington Post. Author for The Faster Times, Clay Risen writes:

"Only in a country as developed as America could we even consider pathologizing success: Kids who leave college and land good jobs that, guess what, aren’t able to fulfill their every whim. Only in a country that coddles its children into believing not only that each of them can be president, but will be president, could the stability of a good life be called a let down. I’m sure there are more than a few kids out their whining about their soul-sucking $50,000-a-year job. There are also a lot who are just having a hell of a good time being young — and a lot, especially outside the United States, who can only dream of one day making 50k. If the quarter-life crisis is real at all, it’s the psychological equivalent of obesity, a problem brought on by our own wealth."

I don't completely disagree with Risen. It absolutely is a problem brought on by generational, social and economic expectations. We've been taught from the time we could understand the idea that we were special. Each and everyone of us can and will grow up to be whatever our hearts desire. This is not reality, but because we've been inundated with this idea, the act of failing to achieve it is even more damaging.

Interesting little fact: I just went back to look at my previous drafts of posts that I abandoned, and almost exactly one year ago today, I started a post on the quarter-life crisis. Obviously, I'm still in the midst of it with no clear direction on how to get out.

Boy-Girl, Boy-Girl, Girl-Girl?

I was forwarded an interesting article today by a friend. The article from CNN.com explores the new trend of women leaving men for other women. Now obviously lesbianism is nothing new, but in recent times, as the article mentions, it is more accepted within our society. I've always thought that the sexual lines between women are blurrier than the lines between men. It seems more fluid between women, in that they can move from one gender to another when seeking love. This is not true for everyone, but as a broad generalization I think it's true. When it comes to a male being attracted to the same sex, it's kind of like either you do or you don't. The cause of this I'm not completely clear on. Another friend offered her own theory that as a result of society saying it's more OK for women to be with other women and absolutely not OK for men to be with other men, that even if men may be aroused by certain aspects of the same gender, they can't act upon these feelings. I'm not sure whether I completely agree, but it's definitely a plausible theory. And the idea that "society" has always been driven by what men want or think is appropriate obviously supports the acceptability of woman-on-woman action. 

One of the most interesting points in the article is a study that was conducted by Northwestern University. The study tested the arousal of both gay and straight women and men by viewing erotica targeted toward each group. 

"During the experiment, the female subjects became sexually aroused when they viewed heterosexual as well as lesbian erotic films. This was true for both gay and straight women. Among the male subjects, however, the straight men were turned on only by erotic films with women, the gay ones by those with men. 

"'We found that women's sexual desire is less rigidly directed toward a particular sex, as compared with men's, and it's more changeable over time,'" says the study's senior researcher, J. Michael Bailey, Ph.D. "'These findings likely represent a fundamental difference between men's and women's brains.'"

Near the end of the article it mentions that many of the women interviewed for the study explain that they are attracted to general traits in human beings regardless of gender. In speaking with people informally, I've found many times women tend to fall in love with people, not sexual organs. However, I must add that the people who have responded in this manner, do not generally accept societal restrictions. It's interesting to think that if "society" didn't demand that we think a certain way, how typical sexuality would change. The article suggests that perhaps the frequency of women leaving men for women has risen due to the increased "acceptance" of homosexuality, citing such high-profile examples as Lindsay Lohan and Cynthia Nixon. Nixon was in a solid relationship with English professor Danny Mozes for 15 years, then left him and fell in love with a woman. The question is: Was she always gay and didn't feel comfortable with it? Or did she just find what she needed in a person with the same sexual organs? The idea of changeable sexuality shoots significant holes in the theory that homosexuality is mostly nature and less nurture. But then again, is everyone born with a tendency to love whomever they find emotionally attractive regardless of gender and society stifles these desires from childhood? Or can one's sexual desires change after various life experiences?

A letter to my Heart.

Dear Heart:

I know it's been awhile since we've really took a minute to catch up with one another and for that I apologize. I always know you're there. Sometimes you catch me off guard with how loud you are and I remember that without you, I'd be lost.

You've led me down so many paths, Heart, and for that I am grateful. From the time I understood how you operated, I let you lead me in any direction you desired: To the hours I'd spend laughing with my grandfather; to the first acute rumblings of infatuation for that dark-haired boy when I was about seven or eight; to a lonely stage in a coffeehouse to read poetry; to late nights sitting cross-legged on a deserted road in the warm summer air.
But we've hit some rough patches too, Heart, when you were stubbornly too open. Like the first time I really, really cried when Papaw died or the time when my father decided he was moving to Canada and left me sobbing in our living room watching him drive away.
I can't hold it against you. I understand you prefer being open to everything in the hopes that what enters will fill you with joy. And I can't lay all the blame on you. I've led you in the wrong direction a few times, too. Like my second freshmen semester obsession with Cheetos and Mountain Dew (sorry), or my stint with RockStar and vodka (again sorry... for the palpitations) and my undying love for any sort of fried food product (I really am cutting back, dude. I promise.).

And together we've made it a point to, over and over, get ourselves into exquisitely precarious situations: The time we thought it'd be a good idea to fall in love with our best friend; when we wanted that fake Prada bag so much, we let a vendor lead us into the basement of an office building in Chinatown (thank God the only result was a sub par faux designer purse); when quick wit and a devilish grin took us for all we were worth; or when we fancied a trip to Ireland and bought the ticket that same week without much thought.

But it seems to have all worked out, Heart. Yes, if you ask me, I think we're doing quite well considering the cracks and bruises along the way. And for that I'd like to thank you.
I'd like to thank you for never giving up on me. For persisting when my head told me to close you up and put up an "Out of Order" sign. For continuously reminding me that the next exciting experience is just around the corner. For craving satisfaction and affection. For reminding me that there is good in humanity. For yearning for discovery. For entertaining rebellion. For pumping the blood through my veins day after day so that I may never cease to love and hate everything the world has to offer. Thanks, Heart. We've got this whole "life" thing in the bag.

-------

This was inspired by the Letter to My Heart Campaign on blogher.com.

Reflection.

The following is the original version of my guest column that appeared in the paper this evening. What appeared in the paper was tweaked, which is fine, but here's the original. Not my best, but take it for what you will.

“We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass…”
Though the critics have said that President Obama’s inaugural address was not the most eloquent of his rhetoric, what I saw as a person experiencing the monumental occasion that was the inauguration of our 44th president, was that people are united. With the estimated two million present on and around the mall on Tuesday, what I didn’t see was ill will or disagreement. I saw an incredible amount of citizens put aside their races, creeds and differences to come together and celebrate the swearing in of President Obama and Vice President Biden.
As I walked through the packed streets of Washington D.C. toward the National Mall on the morning of the inauguration, the energy was positive. There was a sense of accomplishment and hope for things to come emanating from the hundreds of thousands marching through the unseasonably frigid weather to get a glimpse of a JumboTron and bear witness to the historic moment. I saw people working together to find the best route to the activity after being turned away by closed streets block after block. I heard cheers of celebration, saw signs of support and felt the warmth of kindness despite the temperatures. Though the streets were packed from sidewalk to sidewalk, people were not angry to be moving so slowly. I felt a sense of calm among all those hiking along to see the inaugural activities. The attitude was that of: “As long as I’m here, I’m happy.”
After finally arriving at the mall, I took a place behind the Washington Monument positioned near a JumboTron. The crowd surrounding me was cheerful and chatting excitedly, but once the proceedings began everyone quieted trying to hear the broadcast over the speaker stack. During the invocation, most bowed their heads and several around me recited “The Lord’s Prayer” along with Pastor Rick Warren concluding with a resounding “Amen.” When President Obama’s image flashed onto the screen, the sound of cheers was resonant among the sea of flag-waving attendees even as far back as where I was standing. The feeling of unity was palpable.
The atmosphere for the entire extended weekend was one of celebration. Groups of people walking near the National Mall were chanting “Yes we can” and “Obama.” Street vendors, capitalizing on the enthusiasm for the event, were selling Obama T-shirts, buttons, posters, calendars; pretty much anything one could imagine bearing the President’s likeness: even earrings. The only thing I could say was: “This is insane.”
Never in my lifetime, have I experienced or dreamed of experiencing such an epic occurrence. Never in my life have I felt the kind of energy that I felt flowing through the streets of D.C. this past weekend. Regardless of your political views and beliefs, what I can tell you about my experience is this: The people of this nation are hopeful. They are excited about the possibilities of change to come and ready to undertake the responsibilities to accomplish it.

Calm before the storm.

It's around 8 a.m. On inauguration day. There are reportedly hundreds of thousands along the parade route and at the Mall already. We should be making our way into DC shortly to join the insanity.
The past few days have been great. Though many systems are strained with the influx of people trying to use them, there seems to still be a sense of calm. The air has a certain sense of hope to it, as trite as that sounds, and people seem generally happy to be wherever they are despite the crowds.
On Sunday, we went to the "We Are One" concert at the Lincoln Memorial. An estimated 400,000 joined us. Though we didn't get close enough to see actual people, the Jumbotrons did a wonderful job of letting everyone experience it. It was ultimately refreshing to see everyone genuinely come together to celebrate. Old and young, black and white, everyone was so happy to be a part of the event. You haven't really heard the National Anthem until you've heard that many people sing along.
So, now I make may way into the madness to see what I see and experience the renewed energy and sense of hope that one man has given a nation.